Understanding
by OrlithNightfire
Summary: Set after Girl in the fire place so spoilers for that ep. Rose understand his decision...even if she didn't like it. for she did the same for him.


Understanding

He sat in the control room, his hearts tearing themselves to pieces inside his chest. He felt the rustle of paper from his breast pocket where the letter from her resided. Around him the TARDIS moved as always the low hum some comfort to his mind and heart. She would always stay, would always be with him. His faithful little ship. But as always humans died, a blink of an eye in his mind. So fleeting yet so full of life. And by Rassilon she had life.

She had been afraid, but always believed the Doctor would save her, what she must have thought on her death bed when he still had not appeared. Had she cursed him? Or had she still held love for him in her slowing heart? He walked over and sat on the chair beside the console, taking out the letter.

"_Be quick my love" _oh how he wished he could have given her that, to let her gaze upon him one last time. But Time as always was a cruel mistress. He jerked when arms wrapped around him from behind.

"Knew you weren't ok" came Rose's gentle voice in his ear. He tried to hide the letter, but he stop when she sighed. "Don't worry, I won't look"

"Well, can't be too careful, nosey things humans are. So where's Rickey?"

"Oi, less of the nosey, I've seen how big yours can get remember. As well as your ears. Mickey has gone to bed. Think we tired him out. And besides, I can guess who the letter is from anyway." She tightened the hug briefly. Then released him. She was only gone a second as she appeared before him with two mugs of tea in her hand. One of which she handed to him. He moved over a little so she could sit beside him. He enjoyed her company; she had always managed to sooth him merely by her presence. Be it in front of a Dalek or in the middle of a battle.

"I'm sorry, for….leaving you behind back there," he said quietly, looking deep into his cup as if it would tell him his future. Shame the tea had been made with tea bags and not leaves. Then he could have had some fun. She sighed behind him.

"I won't say it's okay..because it's not. You left Mickey and me on a space station, with no way to get home, no food. In the end we might as well have been put to use and been placed in the ship." She looked to the central column; the rhythmic rise and fall like a heart beat. He looked to her, staying quiet as he could see she had more to say. "But I know why you did it. Because I did the same for you. I know I did something to get back to you that day, and I did not care about the consequences. It seems even Time Lords can be ruled by the heart or hearts as the case may be" She drained the rest of her cup and stood up, stretching her arms.

"You should go to sleep Doctor, you look like you need it tonight. Come on" She clasped his hand and pulled him from the chair. The letter fell to the ground. Rose knelt down and picked it up, she just folded it closed, never looking to the words that were for the Doctor alone. And she placed it in his breast pocket.

"You should keep it with you Doctor, so you don't forget." She said looking at his eyes, then led him on once more

She lead him to his room, he did not sleep often, but in this regeneration he seemed to need it every 2 weeks or so. And then he needed only to sleep for about 4 hours. She passed him some pyjamas and turned round while he changed. She seemed loath to leave him right now, as if he was some fragile child. And in truth, how his hearts felt right now, he might just be. He threw his jacket and trousers on a chair, and she turned rolling her eyes as she saw this. She walked over and began to fold them, hearing the paper crackle she turned to him to see him watching.

"Do you want to keep it in there?" he seemed to think about it then shook his head, his voice lost in the tiredness that swept over him. She took the letter out, still not looking to read it. Then walked over to the ornate writing desk in the corner. She opened the top drawer and placed the letter reverently inside. He thanked whatever god gave him Rose. Unlike his other companions she read him so well, did not pry into things that she could see were too raw for him, just giving him a hug or smile or tea when he needed it. The only times she had was on that station oh so long ago when he had taken her to the end of her world. She had been scared; I mean she had just stepped into a blue police box with a stranger who took her to the end of her world. Not the best move by him. In the end she had backed off. Them still getting the feel of each other. Where the line should not be crossed. And the second time had been with Sarah-Jane. There she had seen a glimpse of his sadness, his loneliness, that one day she too would leave him, weather by choice or death. Leaving him alone once more.

He was brought back to the moment of by her coming to stand before him, a gentle hand on his as she guided him to his bed, pulling back the covers she pushed him down and the bed the brought the covers back up like a mother tucking in a child.

"Good night Doctor" she kissed him on his forehead and started to walk away.

"Rose?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"Thank you…"

"Its no problem Doctor. Just….tell me how you feel sometime okay. Because when you went through….you killed a little piece of me. I'll stay with you till the end of my life..if I can. But I know one day we will have to say goodbye. But goodbyes don't last forever. They just seem like they do. You'll realise it someday. Just like a day last a lifetime." She said looking into his eyes, she could she he could not understand and she smiled.

"Doctor. It might be because I am human, because we have a sorter life than you. But what you have shown me, either today or the day before will last me a lifetime" She saw understanding dawn in his eyes and he smiled "Sleep Well Doctor"

"You too Rose" She left the room to go to her own, hiding the tears of sorrow from him, the feeling of betrayal as he had left her behind. She knew had did not think he would have been able to get back, leaving her there. But a small part of her knew why, Madam de pompadour had captured him in that moment in time; she had come to see what he had after talking with her. She knew she paled in comparison. And knowing that letter had to be either from her death bed or something just as dark for his mood to fall so far in the shadow of his ninth self. He had been punished enough. She climbed into her bed, letting slumber claim her.

He lay awake a while after Rose had left him; he knew she was in pain. Could feel it through the link of the TARDIS. How could he have done that to her. The Rose that had saved him from the Darkness that had threatened to consume him after the time war. The Rose that had been so smart, so brave, so right when facing the Dalek in Utah. Showing him what he had been about to do had been wrong. The Rose that had willingly given her life for him by taking the Vortex inside herself. She would have died willingly if he had not taken it from her. The Rose that had stuck by his side after the Regeneration when others would have fled. And he had thrown all that away without a second thought.

"Oh Rose, I am so sorry" a tear fell from his eye as he shut them. He did not deserve her; had no right to the care she gave him over her own pain. But she still gave it. He would make it up to her; he would take her somewhere nice. Show her that she meant something to him, that she was not tossed aside. This set in his mind he drifted off to his slumber.

KITG: little quickie done in 30 mins. Sorry for the spelling and what ever. As it not been betaed.


End file.
